Revolving door
TW: references to suicide methods I remember the first time I was in hospital I was sitting on the floor chatting with my friend Phil, when he spotted somebody he recalled from a previous admission....
View ArticleWarehousing
During my first admission, I was bored. Really bored. Most of the time I sat around talking to other patients. In the absence of communal seating areas not dominated by a blaring TV, we sat on the...
View ArticleZero hours
So next week I have to go to the GP to ask for an extension to my sick note. After initially signing me off for six weeks they gave me another certificate for four weeks, but this time I have …...
View ArticleSo long, lithium
I can tell you pretty accurately when I started taking lithium, because I blogged about it (wow, I have been blogging for a long time). In fact, that post tells me that it’s very nearly seven years to...
View ArticleRoll with it
This morning I managed to shave my legs. It’s the closest to achieving anything that I have reached in days. Because here am I, depressed again. I’m kind of waiting for my CPN (Community Psychiatric...
View ArticleThe pam fam: the demonisation of benzodiazepines
“Diazepam.” A single word tweet. Regular readers or Twitter followers will know what that meant: I had hit an intolerable level of anxiety which I was managing with a prescribed benzodiazepine. One...
View ArticleChristmas approaches
It’s been a long time since I posted. I just don’t feel the urge as much these days; I’ve become habituated to things like hospitalisation and crisis care, therapy and medication changes, so although...
View ArticleOn having a “carer”
By now I am a veteran at completing application/review forms for Employment and Support Allowance (ESA) and Personal Independence Payment (PIP). ESA is for people who are too sick to work, while PIP is...
View ArticleHospital at home
Trigger warning: suicidal thoughts and planning A depressing side effect of being a seasoned blogger with a fluctuating condition is that the archive makes it very clear that I go around and around,...
View ArticleRunning up that hill
Trigger warning: this post contains descriptions of suicidal thoughts, including methods. Please don’t read on if you are feeling at all vulnerable. I want to run. I am desperate to run. When I wrote...
View ArticleCrisis? What crisis?
I’ve thought about blogging so often in recent weeks, with several abortive attempts. I considered writing about the therapeutic benefits of having a companion animal – if you don’t follow me on social...
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The colour of madness
It’s been a very long time since I’ve blogged and this will probably be short as I’m typing it out on my phone at the bus stop. An hour ago I finished my first session of therapy in five years, and my...
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